What am I not getting? I watched The Babadook last night, having been told by four or five thousand people that it was pretty much the greatest horror film since Jean Epstein’s La Chute de la maison Usher. Eh?

First, it wasn’t even as scary as Earl Bellamy’s Munster, Go Home! Second, it … it … it … I can’t think of anything. I’m so baffled by the universal praise this pitcher has — do I have to say garnered? — garnered that my head is doing a Linda Blair. It made me want to erase it from memory by watching something really frightening, like Noël Coward as Horatio Wilson, Ann Lake’s landlord in Bunny Lake Is Missing.

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Director Jennifer Kent claims to have studied under Lars von Trier. I wonder if that could mean underneath? Her main takeaway from that soul-changing experience was just the sort of insight you can’t obtain in film school. Von Trier, she noted, surrounds himself with — and I quote — “a family of people.”

A family of people. Who’d have thought?

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