The Loser’s Top Ten Pitchers of 2014

It’s that time of year, innit? OK, here we go!

1. The Trip to Italy (d. Michael Winterbottom; Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon)
2. The Lego Movie (d. Phil Lord and Christopher Miller; Chris Pratt, Will Ferrell, Elizabeth Banks)

Um, true, there are only two pitchers on the list. The reason? Of the thirty or so new films I saw last year, twenty-eight ended up on my TEN MOST MEDIOCRE PITCHERS THAT DIDN’T SUCK ENOUGH TO CAUSE ME TO WALK OUT list. Among those, were I to whittle them down to just ten, most would have crowded right round the midpoint of TEN MOST MEDIOCRE PITCHERS THAT DIDN’T SUCK ENOUGH TO CAUSE ME TO WALK OUT. (Meaning, not only were they mediocre but they excelled at it.) Included would be such not completely wretched — though still pretty wretched — stuff as Gone Girl (No. 5), Birdman (No. 5), and Wild (No. 5).

“What about Interstellar?” Mobs are beating down my door to get my opinion.

I have only this to say, which I would put directly to Christopher Nolan if I could get his attention: “Chris, honey,” I’d tell him, “scientists, even those born within earshot of the bells of St Mary-le-Bow, like Michael Caine’s John Brand, do not use the honorific ‘Doctor’ when speaking amongst themselves.”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=55OtglvtXuI

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